


Five Ways Jack Told His Team He Was Leaving Command of the SGC

by Paian



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: 100-1000 Words, 5 Things, Community: sg1_five_things, Foursome, Humor, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-08
Updated: 2007-01-08
Packaged: 2017-10-03 21:27:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paian/pseuds/Paian





	Five Ways Jack Told His Team He Was Leaving Command of the SGC

1\. He sent his very first, and very last, interoffice memo at Stargate Command.

2\. He called a briefing, introduced General Landry, said, "They're all yours!," and left for Washington.

3\. He took them out for a "c'mon, do we really need an excuse for this?" booze-up, lowered their guard and loosened their tongues with copious amounts of alcohol, waited for one of them to make a crack about him being Brigadier General Jack O'Neill, shot back "As of Monday that'll be _Major_ General to you, smartypants," and then explained why. They were all so hammered that the next day nobody remembered a thing he'd told them.

4\. He had them all up to the cabin for a weekend of group sex, and when they'd had two days to learn each other's tastes and responses well enough for a super blowout simultaneous orgasm to be at least theoretically possible, he talked them into a daisy chain -- him in Daniel, Daniel in Teal'c, Teal'c in Carter -- with the plan to make his announcement at the moment of climax. He thought the least he could do was deliver bad news when they were doing pretty much the most pleasurable thing they could be doing, i.e. coming like a freight train. They even kind of looked like a freight train, but with Carter riding Teal'c doggy-style while Jack was the one providing the thrust from the other end, he couldn't decide whether he was the locomotive or the caboose, which confused him for a second ... so he might have garbled the statement a little. Not to mention that he was, you know, _coming_, so the announcement came out more of a demented Howard Dean warble than a manly grunting proclamation. Daniel gasped "What?" and Jack groaned "What?" and Teal'c said "Have you injured yourself, O'Neill?" and Carter cried "Oh my god, you gave Hammond _head_?!"

5\. He never told them. Carter heard it through the grapevine, Teal'c mysteriously acquired the knowledge during a deep period of meditation, and Daniel got the news from Harriman when he showed up early on Monday, stopped by Jack's office, saw it was stripped bare, and asked whoever was in earshot, "So, have we been burglarized, or has the custodial staff gotten a little overenthusiastic?" How Harriman found out, no one's really sure. Jack apparently thought it would be really funny not to tell _anybody_, the same as he didn't tell Mitchell, later on, that Mitchell was taking command of an SG-1 he'd have to restaff on his own from scratch, and the same as he didn't tell Landry, later still, that Carter was on her way back to the SGC to help with the Ori problem. Jack's a funny guy.


End file.
